Top ten tips to ensure Zimmerman is guilty

This weekend a jury of George Zimmerman's peers found him innocent of second degree murder and manslaughter. The problem is that the jury members were exposed to too much evidence and, with a complete picture of what happened that night, they had no choice but to tragically acquit Zimmerman.

In order to prevent this from happening again, we need to ensure that conclusions are formed with just an abbreviated subset of convenient facts. With fabricated evidence that paints Zimmerman as a racist we can ensure that he does not receive a just verdict a second time and that he is forever marked as a murderer.

Tip 1: Minimize the fact that Trayvon threw the first punch

When talking to friends and they find out that Trayvon threw the first punch be sure to steer the conversation away from that fact with, "Yeah, but he got out of his car." This great tip comes from Benjamin Crump. Don't use fancy lawyer words like "relevant". Just keep hammering home the fact that Zimmerman got out of his car.

This recurring notion that getting out of a car is tantamount to guilt is a recurring theme in these tips. It is important to convince our friends and peers that Trayvon Martin was forced to throw the first punch because Zimmerman got out of his car.

Tip 2: Pretend that George Zimmerman is a racist

When friends are exposed to the facts of the case they may begin to realize that Zimmerman did not shoot Trayvon because he was black. Do not let the illusion of racism fade for even a second.

That there is no evidence that Zimmerman is a racist does not matter. This tragedy is too important to waste by allowing people to form a logical conclusion.

Be prepared with vague notions of racism related to the case. Quoting celebrities and politicians is a great way to make George Zimmerman seem like a racist.

It does not matter that these quotes are false; your target audience will just assume that the statements are true because they come from celebrities. See this video for a great compilation of unverifiable accusations of racism.

In a pinch feel free to fall back on, "Yeah, but he got out of his car." Benjamin Crump has been using this for a year to deflect conversations away from evidence of Zimmerman's innocence.

Tip 3: Doctor the audio tapes so Zimmerman sounds like he is profiling

This tip comes directly from the fine folks at NBC. NBC doctored the tapes to make Zimmerman sound like a racist Neo-Nazi and succeeded in sparking the notion that this was a racially-motivated hate crime.

He looks like he's up to no good. He looks black.

The doctored audio tape came out as "He looks like he's up to no good. He looks black." That is perfect for people who need to reinforce their belief that Zimmerman was driving around and profiling black people that night. This isn't what he said, but that doesn't matter. The doctored audio is so damning that the words cannot be unheard.

Tip 4: Slip in the word "vigilante"

When reporting a case about self-defense, refer to the victim as a "vigilante". It seems criminally negligent because it is false, but referring to Zimmerman as a vigilante is perfectly legal.

The opinions we received from TV reports like these allowed Florida's Stand Your Ground law to be pushed aside allowing for a pointless murder trial. Sadly, the opinions of these news reporters were not allowed as evidence in Zimmerman's second degree murder trial.

Tip 5: Change the facts to fit your needs

This tip comes from John Oliver at "The Daily Show". He does a political satire piece and implies that the problem is one specific to Florida.

Here are some great examples that Oliver uses to make Zimmerman seem guilty. John Oliver is a celebrity, so you can use these quotes as if they are true.

• Change the police dispatcher's original quote from "We don't need you to do that" to "police . . . implicitly tell you to stop following".
• Change "Zimmerman said, 'Okay' and turned around" to "choose to ignore that, keep following".
• Change "Zimmerman shot Martin in self-defense" to "If you get scared . . . you can shoot the minor to death."

John Oliver goes on to reinforce the concept that this case is about race without explaining why. The why does not matter; you just have to keep saying that it is about race and let people assume that the statement is true.

Saying that the case is about race is a great way to make Zimmerman seem like a racist (Tip 2). John Oliver even manages to slip in the word "vigilante" (Tip 4).

John even manages to attack the Stand Your Ground law while demonizing Zimmerman. The two have nothing to do with each other, but they are unpopular with the same people who want to believe that Zimmerman is guilty. Nice work, John!

Tip 6: Act confused

Bring up the topic of George Zimmerman in any situation where the audience cannot escape. Then say something like, "I don't understand why this wasn't tried as a hate crime" or "I don't know why the Justice Department isn't trying him for civil rights violations."

Before the listener can ask why Zimmerman should be tried again, deflect the conversation with a celebrity quote or "Yeah, but he got out of his car." That there is no evidence of hate crime or racial profiling is not important. Only your confusion is important.

Tip 7: Portray Travyon Martin as a small child

If people find out that Trayvon Martin was bigger and stronger than George Zimmerman then the idea that Zimmerman may have been fighting for his life can creep into their minds. Never let that happen. Always portray Trayvon Martin as a small, innocent 12-year-old and never as a strong, six-foot-tall high-school senior football player.

Reinforce the idea that Trayvon is a small child unable to defend himself with statements like, "He was armed only with Skittles and iced tea." Reminding people that he had candy and showing only this picture drives home the idea that Trayvon was a small 12-year-old child.

Tip 8: Portray Zimmerman as a giant skinhead Nazi

Showing pictures of Zimmerman with a shaved head like a white supremest is a great way to reinforce the idea that this is a hate crime. Zimmerman's mixed heritage forever excludes him from joining any Neo-Nazi skinhead gang, but that is not what is important. That he looks vaguely like a Neo-Nazi racist is the important thing.

Avoid showing pictures of bloodied George Zimmerman. His bloody, broken nose and the cuts on the back of his head corroborate his account of events that night, so avoid letting people see those pictures.

When showing pictures of Trayvon Martin next to George Zimmerman make sure to use the picture of Trayvon when he was twelve years old and a picture of Zimmerman looking unhappy. Be sure to leave a lot of border around Trayvon Martin and then crop the photo of Zimmerman so that his head looks three times bigger than Trayvon's. This will make people mistakenly believe that George Zimmerman was huge compared to Trayvon. Doctoring evidence this way is perfectly legal despite being a clear violation of journalistic integrity.

Tip 9: Pretend that people who disagree are stupid

If the tips above fail to convince somebody that Zimmerman is guilty then pretend that he or she is stupid. A good programmed response to have ready is, "You just don't get it." This makes the inability to understand your conclusions seem like a weakness of intellect in the listener.

Most people will try to avoid embarrassment by tacitly agreeing or by changing the subject. Wait a few minutes and then bring up Zimmerman again. If you did it correctly then the person listening to you will nod politely and pretend to agree. The listener's implied agreement has the added bonus of reinforcing your own belief.

Tip 10: Play the race card

If your listener refuses to concede Zimmerman's guilt then pretend that he or she is a racist. The race card is a powerful tool, so be sure to save it as a last resort.

Most Americans are deathly afraid of being accused of racism and this is especially true of people who are not at all racist. Many people will change their opinions or even disbelieve fact if you convince them that their conclusions based on fact are racist.

If asked how belief in Zimmerman's innocence is racist then immediately deflect the conversation with a celebrity quote or with "Yeah, but he got out of his car." If that doesn't work then give up because it is too late; the listener already has too many facts.